Monday, January 16, 2017

The Leap Away from Work

We're finally back from Asia, which was lovely. I'll have a summary next week, but today I have a quick post on leaping away from work.

I’m finishing Tess Vigeland’s Leap, which is maybe the best book I read in 2016. It documents her decision to leave the big, fancy job hosting Marketplace Weekend, without a specific plan for what would come next. No job lined up. Not starting a charity or a business or writing a novel: just an understanding that what she was doing wasn’t working all that well anymore, and that something needed to change. A real leap, without knowing where she would land.

The book should be required reading for anyone working towards an early retirement, because when I hear the plans of what we personal finance bloggers will do after leaving work, they sound pretty similar to what Vigeland's talking about. It’s always a little vague when we talk about financial independence, isn't it? We’re going to see the world, either by travel hacking or maybe even in a tiny house on wheels. We're going to rekindle our passions. We’re going to take our days back, and finally live our lives again, and make them adventures. Stuff like that. I’m no different: my "plan" is just to divvy up my day more evenly, then take some naps.

All that may be honest, and that's important, but it’s not all that specific.

We early retirees feel the need for a detailed plan when we leave the salaried job with good pay and paid vacation and matching 401k. Because why would you give up all that income-based security, just to walk into the unknown?

Plus, there are those pesky bills and unexpected medical emergencies that are sure to pop up over a sixty year retirement. At some point, might we need another traditional job with corporate security to shelter us? Don’t we worry about what will happen to our family if (or when) disaster strikes?

The traditional FI response is to point to our big, honking pile of money. We have a million bucks, so there. Diversification and the four percent rule will save us. We'll likely earn some money on the side, too, and in a way more enjoyable way than we did at the nine-to-five. And if we need to go to work again, we will. We're smart, well educated, and in the end some employer will take us back. On every level, the naysayers' fears are unfounded.

While all of that might be true, there’s still a weird feeling in my gut when I think about what to tell people when they ask what I do for a living. For one, having a lot of money doesn’t really address the lack of a specific plan of what comes after I leave work. A million dollars is not a plan. It's just money.

But what I think is driving this anxiety is that my career is a lot more than just a salary, benefits, and security. It also comes with status. These days, I have a title that has the word "Senior" in it. That's nice. My career shows that I have some ambition, that I have professional goals and, hey, look at that, I’m achieving them, too. Aren't I impressive?

As Vigeland notes, our careers offer us regular chances to indulge our ambitions and salve our insecurities. If we don't have a healthy self esteem, a career is a way to show others that we're doing well, and to gain their acceptance:
"I think that need for approval can be extended...to an entire career, an entire body of work such that, if you get positive responses to it on a regular basis, those responses feed your ambition, and it is very hard to imagine living without them. And what I feared in many ways was that in leaping I would not just be quitting, but, ultimately, I would also be letting the ambition seep out of me like a leaky balloon." 
If I accept that basic truth (that my career, along with doing a lot of other great things, also offers me a chance to salve my ambitions), then I have two choices. On one hand, I can come up with some other plan on how to satisfy that itch to achieve (and show others that I've achieved). I can find a new passion project that just happens to have some impressive perks, or a cool title, or something that inspires envy.

Or, I can try to mitigate my ambition. I can lean into the fact that I don't really know what comes next after I quit. I can learn not to worry so much about the possibility that friends, neighbors, and former colleagues will probably think I'm wasting my time and my skills. I can come to terms with the reality that others might not be as impressed with my life as they were before or, more likely, they'll just think that my life is weird. Something to just raise your eyebrows at, rather than admired.

The logical side of me thinks that's okay. It knows that trying to get external validation is not a great way to build self-esteem.

But the realistic side of me knows that I'm an extrovert, and that I like seeming at least somewhat impressive to people, and that desire drives a lot of my behavior.

Still, I want to actually leave the workforce: to leap into this next life, without really having a perfect definition of what it will be. As with any leap, the real hurdle to get over is in between your ears. With all the focus on budgets and asset allocation, all the external stuff, I need to give more attention and time to getting my mind right. So that when the countdown nears and the spreadsheets say it's time to go, I have the guts to actually leap.


*Photo is from wolfsavard at Flickr Creative Commons.

23 comments:

  1. you'll have a title, you are an FIO (financial independence officer) ;), let those that ask what it is you do noodle on that one for a while - - but i can appreciate where you are coming from - i think it's only normal where we let what it is we do each day kind of define who we are -- but i realize you can't live for the applause of others - you can only do what is good for you. Being able to have a choice each and every day will be life changing - take the leap, should it not be all that you thought it was, guess what, you have the choice to go back to work.

    My first time posting but I have been following your blog -- thank you for sharing your journey.

    -Corbett

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Corbett,

      First, thanks so much for including the blog on your site. Those are some heavy hitters on that list so it's great to sneak in there.

      And I like the FIO title. You may have a book title there.

      And as you said, I can always go back to work. But I get the feeling like that's the wrong way to solve my issue: external solution (Look at my impressive job title!) to an internal problem (self esteem based a lot on what others think about me).

      Delete
    2. the book (and title) is all yours if you want to run with it ;) if you think about, it could really just be a compilation of your journey - much to what you share here with your blog - you can then also add author to your many accomplishments. let the external perception go, again, if you chase applause it's a long road - hear your own applause, it's so much louder and sweeter.

      and just by putting yourself in the public domain with an unbelievable goal of achieving FI at such a young age, you are as well a heavy hitter.

      - Corbett

      Delete
    3. Thanks, I may just pull FIO into the future Done by Forty book...you know, which isn't even started yet. :)

      Thanks for the compliments and the good advice. Ultimately, it's better to seek validation from within, even for us extroverts.

      Delete
  2. Maybe you can negotiate a 1 year sabbatical and see what it's like? If you don't like retirement, you can jump back in as if it never happened.

    I get that we're all terrified of the unknown (I was), but when I was working, I was MORE terrified of the "What if". We all have a limited time on this Earth. I don't want to die wondering "what if". If I left and didn't like it, I can always go back to work. But if I never left because of fear, I would end up with lots of regrets, always wondering if the grass was greener on the other side.

    You won't know if you'll enjoy retirement until you try it. And a sabbatical is a good way to find out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That might be a nice way to ease into early retirement. I do want to do it, but am trying to be honest with myself about the likely pitfalls I'm to encounter when I leave traditional work behind. That is, I don't think I'm necessarily terrified per se of the leap into early retirement, but am concerned that there are going to be impacts to my self esteem and sense of pride that, if left unaddressed, will result in the typical downsides of traditional retirement: boredom, depression, loss of a sense of purpose.

      I do like the idea of a one year sabbatical when I turn forty though. That's a sneaky good way to go into early retirement without raising many eyebrows, and leaves a back door if I want to use it.

      Delete
  3. I'm pretty darn impressed by anyone who tells me they're retired, even if they're 80. It's the dream title.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True! There's some envy-inspiriting status there, too.

      I haven't met any early retirees in real life yet so I have a poor sense of what the general public thinks of us folks. Fretting over that is obviously not good, but it's probably folly to ignore my extroverted nature altogether, too.

      Delete
  4. I love that you're thinking about this, DB40! Not too long again I heard a powerful story about how important it is to retire "to" something and not just "away" from something and of the dangers that can happen when you don't have that "to" lined up. Keep up the good work, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Laurie! I remember hearing that, too (from Joe Saul-Sehy?) and it's definitely my one "personal finance" focus for 2017: to better develop the notion of what early retirement means for me, before I make the leap.

      Delete
  5. Yup, this was a really hard one for me when I quit my job - difficult, but good. Perhaps I should write a blog post about this because there's more than I can fit in a simple comment - your posts seem to evoke that in me!

    External validation is a really powerful thing, and I think that for me at least, I was using it to fill a pretty big hole inside. And while there's nothing wrong with people telling you that you're important, in the ideal world (at least the world that I want to live in) we would all be OK with ourselves just for being... not for doing.

    Anyhow, for me it's been a slow process. Honestly, when you remove the busyness from your life, you suddenly have to come face to face with yourself - which is a good thing, but one that has its own challenges too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. As Laurie said, I've often heard that you have to retire to something and not from something. I feel like I'm in the latter camp, but since early retirement (in my 40s) is more of a dream at this point, I haven't felt the urgency to flesh out what early retirement would really mean. That is definitely something you'll need to do before you make that leap.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just listened to this podcast from Radical Finance who spoke at Camp Mustache: Why Wait Until You're FI to Live Like You're FI. Thought you might be interested in it: https://radicalpersonalfinance.com/rpf-camp-mustache/

      Delete
  7. Your post had me drifting back to 2014 when I left my high-paying, high-status job to "retire". I had been a super-achiever all my life, and got LOTS of ego-boosting feedback for it all the time. Over the last couple of years prior to my 2014 departure from work, I started to really see that while I was definitely adding massive value to my department, it was just one department among hundreds. And as reorgs or layoffs occurred, nothing really changed. I really understood that I was just a cog in a massive machine and my leaving wouldn't change much. I watched as CEO's of that huge company would come and go and even THEY were just cogs. At first it was depressing, but then it gave me the ability to leave without worrying. And when I left, I still stayed in touch with work colleagues, until I realized that neither they nor I really needed to connect anymore. (that took me 18 months to figure out) And from an energy perspective, it has taken nearly 2 years to recover from the stressful intense corporate life. The most striking thing I noticed right away upon leaving was how much mental capacity was suddenly available. I didn't realize how much my brain was working on work stuff ALL THE TIME!

    I still have the itch to work, and I look for parttime positions pretty regularly, but haven't found one that meets my really specific requirements. I didn't have a plan when I left, and sometimes the free-flowing non-schedule irritates me. But I just let it be and let me be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to apologize for taking so long to reply. I've been juggling too much since returning from the trip, and am just now getting back to some sort of normalcy.

      I can't tell you how nice it is to hear from people who have already retired early. Those comments are gold. I love that you're comfortable not having a fully vetted plan before leaving, and that it's worked out so well.

      Want to be email friends? (So I can pick your brain?) done by forty at gmail dot com

      Delete
  8. Every once in a while, there is a part of my job that I really like. For instance, yesterday I got to go to a job fair in Mexico. It was a total change of pace from being stuck in my windowless office in front of a computer and I had fun. But then, I think, I could have those kinds of experiences while volunteering without being chained to a job and paycheck so as long as I can find and afford adventure elsewhere, my retire early plan is still intact. But yes, the unexpected expenses give me pause. I need to save more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we all need to save more, Daizy. It's the irony of those who are good savers that we feel the need more acutely than those who hardly save at all, but I think it's prudent while you have a good income to save a lot of it, while the getting is good.

      And yes to opportunities like that one in Mexico. I really hope I find more cool things that can satisfy my need to achieve, sans paycheck. Writing seems to be the ticket for now, but who knows how I'll feel in a decade.

      Delete
  9. "As with any leap, the real hurdle to get over is in between your ears."

    ^Mad truth^

    I think sometimes when you're sooo responsible with money it can lead to a neglect in other areas of your life. Which I've totally been guilty of in the past. So I can only imagine the fear of pulling out the spreadsheet, as you say.

    Quick question, because I'm not an early retirement guru. For the rule of 25, do you use that in today's dollars or do you account for the inflation you'll see when you hit your 60s/70s and health problems start to become more common?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a fantastic question. I use it in today's dollars, but the plan is dynamic: so if I'm spending more 5 years from now due to inflation, I have to account for the higher spending when multiplying by 25, too.

      Now as for what happens after, I think the rough math says, 7% gain goes to 4% of spending, and 3% towards inflation...you should end up back where you started on a truly average year.

      As for far in the future medical costs, the closest thing we have to a hedge against that is that, generally, you're way more likely to have MORE money in these FIRE calculations than less when you push that far out. Now, that's not a guarantee, but it does come up more often than, say, running out of money.

      Delete
  10. Great Post! Very honest and truthful. And you are right, we definitely find any excuse to downplay any suggestion that we aren't prepared or have the ability to handle an emergency. I do the same thing. I think it is because the desire is so great, we are almost blind to common sense. Either way I aim to find out if I am right or not. Thanks for sharing!

    -Brian

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a weird part of our community: we point to a pile of money as the catch all answer for anything that might go wrong. Which is great for some things (car repair) and bad for others (existential crisis from leaving the workforce).

      Delete
  11. I wouldn't worry too much about telling people what you do. Most people don't really care all that much about what you do. It's interesting conversation fodder, but that's about it from my experience.
    Feeding your ego will be tougher, though. You might need some projects so you can achieve something. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for stopping by, Joe! It's fantastic to get the input of someone who's been living the FIRE life for a while now.

      It does give my heart some comfort to hear that others don't REALLY care too much about what you do. As an extrovert, those sort of things are likely magnified beyond their real impact.

      But yes, I do need to find something as an outlet when we take away all those regular opportunities to achieve at a 9-5.

      Delete