tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post8213254032318267998..comments2024-03-27T09:17:51.095-07:00Comments on Done by Forty: The Dual Income Dilemma, Daycare, & the Wage GapDone By Fortyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-84859900393332918862018-08-04T21:37:53.537-07:002018-08-04T21:37:53.537-07:00Aw, thank you so much for that comment! And it'...Aw, thank you so much for that comment! And it's making me smile to think someone would go back and read the whole blog. Thank you, sincerely. That really made my evening.<br /><br />It's cool to hear how similar our situations are in that regard, both in having an unequal income, while still trying to find a way to have equality in the household and equal footing upon which we both make decisions together.<br /><br />I suspect there's no one right way, but without trying to take the easy, cop out route...there are certainly a lot of 'wrong ways' -- ways that don't acknowledge that women ought to be earning the same income for the same work, and are men's equals in every way, for example. <br /><br />Anyway, I'm so glad you left that comment and sorry for my delay in seeing this and writing back. I hope you stick around!Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-6753602265735455032018-08-02T02:42:54.233-07:002018-08-02T02:42:54.233-07:00Hi - I know this post is from a while ago, but I r...Hi - I know this post is from a while ago, but I read it and it resonated with me so much that I went back and read the entirety of your blog (massive kudos for your long-term dedication btw) before commenting here (I know, who does that?). <br /><br />Thank you very much for being willing to have such an honest breakdown of your thoughts and feelings on this particular issue/challenge/new adventure in public. My husband and I have started to have this particular conversation (although it's still abstract for us) and we also run into complications sorting out the conflict between what the image of our ideal parenting and money situation might be, and the reality of the structure of our finances. As a woman and feminist, it can be frustrating to reconcile my own 'of course I can have it all' attitude (yes, I am that egotistical!) wtih the are actual household finances. Due to a larger than normal age gap and careers in different industries, my husband outearns me by a lot. My salary absolutely matters to our household income (without it the belts would need to tighten), but his matters more in a way and it underscores many of the decisions we need to make about all matters money. Not in a bad way, but ignoring the fact that our quality of living would suffer far more if we lost his salary than if we lost mine would be foolish indeed.<br /><br />I think your question about 'what sort of guidelines' to use for making these decisions is where we spend the most of our time in discussion. Talking about people's decision processes when confronting how to spend/not spend joined-up money is of great interest to me at the moment, but it is hard to find people comfortable in pulling back the curtains on their private household finance conversations (fair enough) who also actually think strategically about money. This is one of the things I love most about the PF/FI communities - getting a peek into other people having these same conversations.<br /><br />I don't know that I have a point to make - I feel like this has been a very unstructured comment - mostly I just wanted to say thanks, and that you have a new reader! cb1nznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-19469607405686686032018-05-20T22:57:54.864-07:002018-05-20T22:57:54.864-07:00Oh boy! This reminded me of our times when we were...Oh boy! This reminded me of our times when we were just having our baby and the #1 topic of worry was none other than money. We had decided to plan it out well but being preggers is not the easiest period for a couple, and over time, the third trimester set in. However, we took a week off sometime during that and planned out how things would go.<br /><br />The end decision was that she would take the whole 6 months maternity leave and I would cut back to 2 weeks. It didn't feel like a good plan once we started it so I took another 2 weeks and changed my work timings so that she could grab some sleep. Finances, however, fell in place for us, thanks to our side property which we leased out.<br /><br />But I will say this, having a plan is the best you can do in such a situation. And you have time.Jameshttps://currencymarkets.today/world-currencies/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-31440364045299141512018-04-10T06:55:18.691-07:002018-04-10T06:55:18.691-07:00Speaking from personal experience, Let Mrs DB40 ma...Speaking from personal experience, Let Mrs DB40 make the choice - she may *want* to continue working for her own reasons (mental health, adult time, feeling like a contributor), even if the money part doesn't quite work out. I know, I would have gone back to work as soon as I could even if my salary didn't cover daycare, because I *needed* to be away from Daughter Person and be an adult for my own mental health. <br />Stay flexible, work together, and for the first year or so, as long as your bills are paid and you're not going into debt, forget about the money - or at least don't let it play the largest part of the decision.Mom@3isplentyhttps://3isplenty.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-81378739836106063692018-04-02T21:19:54.369-07:002018-04-02T21:19:54.369-07:00Hi Dave!
Nothing sounded too harsh, honest!
Yeah...Hi Dave!<br /><br />Nothing sounded too harsh, honest!<br /><br />Yeah, Mrs. DB40 will definitely finish her degree (over half done with dissertation writing already). I guess I'm at a loss at how the RAship will make writing easier. It certainly will make it cheaper (no tuition, plus we get paid, and get insurance) but those 20-25 hours a week could be spent writing.<br /><br />I sometimes wish our families were close to help with the childcare but, honestly, that probably is just not in the cards for us. And we're okay with it, too. I don't know how I'd handle family in the house with us long term.<br /><br />On #3, yeah, we don't see eye to eye on that one.<br /><br />We're still figuring out the time away but the current plan is for Mrs. DB40 to work as an RA part time but all at home, starting after about 3 months off (the whole summer). And as you said, flexibility is the key.<br /><br />Thanks for the thoughtful comment!Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-24289280119235004732018-03-31T09:00:18.300-07:002018-03-31T09:00:18.300-07:00My comments here are going to sound harsh versus t...My comments here are going to sound harsh versus the rest of the comments but understand I enjoy your blog and want to helpful. My family of 4 hit FI a few years ago, we're not FIRE yet but it’s on the near horizon. <br /><br />1. Your wife should definitely keep R.A.ing until she gets her PhD. Period. I have a terminal degree and most folks get to the ABD (all but dissertation) stage, then fall apart and never finish. So to your wife I say: FINISH THAT PhD AT ALL COSTS. Your lives as parents will change far more than you might expect; you want to have that PhD part finished.<br /><br />2. $550 in child care costs aren't bad at all. Here in Chicago, we paid about $1,500 a month per toddler and we pay far less than our friends. Tin is right, if you can get any relatives in the mix - do so. My wife is also foreign and while her parent's only come to visit for months at a time, they are a godsend for childcare. Also they help re-enforce the 2nd language skills. <br /><br />3. (I might catch some hell for this comment) I think you're being way too hard on yourself - Men normally keep working and women don't. There are multiple reasons for this (wage gap, personal preference, tradition, etc.) and acknowledging as much is just reality - no need for any hand-wringing. You both can keep working - there's no reason for either of you to walk away from your careers if you don't want to. If it’s a push money wise, so what? I mean a lot of people don’t want to spend 24 hours of their day raising their children and that’s normal (though not often admitted). Also, honestly, the societal issues with the wage gap be damned - it's not your problem to solve; just do what's best for your family. <br /> Also no matter how driven your spouse is, her priorities (and yours) may change drastically once your child arrives. In our family, my wife was steadily and ambitiously climbing the corporate ladder until our 1st child showed up. Thereafter, work became just work for both of us (much more so for her). Now that we have two kids, both of us would be fine just working part time (I’d be fine not working at all) - our incomes would allow for it but unfortunately the type of work we both do don't easily translate to part time gigs. Thus FIRE is looking better and better and is more of a goal than before. <br /><br />4. You don't need to take years off for each child; my wife took off 3-4 months after each child and was back at it full time thereafter. I only took 1-2 weeks off each time b/c self-employment doesn't equal any kind of paid leave. It was fine; do what’s best for you – you guys might find yourselves missing work if you leave it for much longer than 5-6 months.<br /><br />5. Lastly, flexibility is the key. Hit FI and then adjust... I'd just make sure to finish the PhD because a few years gap in employment is better than an unfinished degree. Chances are you won't be as flexible schedule and lifestyle wise once your 1st child arrives and even less so after #2. So try to be as flexible with the income options as you can b/c folks typically become more risk adverse with children and age, not less.<br /><br />I hope this is helpful and Godspeed.<br />Dave in Chinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-13768948636842342952018-03-18T10:28:57.369-07:002018-03-18T10:28:57.369-07:00First, thanks so much for that thoughtful comment,...First, thanks so much for that thoughtful comment, Tin. I really appreciate that, and apologies for Blogger having a character count on that. Maybe there's a way I can adjust it.<br /><br />FWIW, I didn't think your post came across poorly at all! Maybe I have an affinity for ex military?<br /><br />Like your son, I have one parent who is American and white (my dad) and one parent who is foreign born and Asian (my mother was born in the Philippines just as WWII was ending). Growing up, I, too had my Asian grandmother living with us (we flew her in from the Philippines) during those early years. I think it's an awesome system, and one I unfortunately don't know if we can replicate this time around.<br /><br />Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-15665670799993576752018-03-18T10:06:18.610-07:002018-03-18T10:06:18.610-07:00Hi Abibail! I have been wrestling with getting my ...Hi Abibail! I have been wrestling with getting my first ever 'personal' Facebook account just so I can join groups like ChooseFI and actually participate in those meetups. I don't think I can join with my blog's page as it's a 'business' page or whatever. As you can tell, I'm pretty much useless when it comes to all things Facebook.<br /><br />I think your take is a good one to start with. It's probably easier to work for a hot minute and then decide to quit if it isn't working out, than to build a gap and try to jump into a good work situation afterwards.<br /><br />And yeah, we're definitely anticipating an audible. We're plan 'optimizers' so we end up changing our minds a lot over time.Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-77964364072640258792018-03-16T12:07:06.924-07:002018-03-16T12:07:06.924-07:00First comment hit character limit (hmm...maybe I s...First comment hit character limit (hmm...maybe I should start my own blog...).<br /><br />Fast forward to today, and I'm no slouch, but my wife makes more than me...and we do view MY income as the incremental dollar income that must be held up as "is it worth it" against other choices. I actually have come to really like that though, as it makes it makes picking certain consulting gigs much more straightforward (i.e., if I don't REALLY love the work or if the payout isn't really good, I decline). That's being half-retired right there.Tinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17710280020482764792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-32629255584057092542018-03-16T12:04:43.827-07:002018-03-16T12:04:43.827-07:00I meant to comment on this post when I first read ...I meant to comment on this post when I first read it, but I was in a parking lot, reading it on my phone, and put it aside because it's hard to get thoughts organized when typing on a phone. Also, I was likely to shoot from the hip with a knee-jerk reaction which, while often gets me good results in my own life, can come off as a bit abrasive to others (it's the ex-military officer in me....we have to make important decisions super-fast, be correct (or at least "do no harm") 90% of the time, and can't always take the time to bring people along our mental journey).<br /><br />The fact that you are even asking these questions in such a thoughtful manner is a huge plus and frankly, is more than half of the battle. Too many couples just stumble through these moments without proper consideration. And don't even get me started on the abusive situations where the male tries to dominate all decision and choices (that is NOT just a 1950's phenomenon, it still exists today).<br /><br />You say you are half-Asian. My wife is Chinese-born and my son is thus half-Asian. My wife too is a PhD graduate (science field), although when we had our one and only child we were both fully employed doing jobs that put us on about equal financial footing. We were overseas at the time of the pregnancy though (during the 2008 financial collapse too!) and so there was some job change stress as we both simultaneously scrambled to find different jobs back in the U.S. as we didn't want to raise a child during the formative 0-5 years in pollution saturated air and water and soil (but that is another story).<br /><br />One thing I do like about the Chinese culture is that they do tend to be financially pragmatic. For one thing, that really meant there was never any question of if or when my wife would go back to work. She immediately optimized for going back to work. Have baby, move back to clean environment, go back to work. The only question was how.<br /><br />Here's the thing, we had in-laws that picked up the daycare slack. Not only was my mother-in-law willing to provide early year daycare, she pretty much demanded to do so, knowing she a) wanted to be near her grandchild and b) knowing how important it was financially to us (i.e., she didn't want us to "waste" money on daycare). <br /><br />Even though she and I don't get along very well, I was perfectly willing to have her, as I wanted my kid to get raised bilingual (and also, I appreciated what she was doing to help us out financially). My own parents had passed away but I'm sure my mother (not so much my father) would have done the same. Now there are all sorts of reasons why this is not always possible, but it boggles me when I see some grandparents check out BY CHOICE. What a gift they could bestow on their kids, with HUGE financial ramifications both near term (daycare savings) and long term (ability for both parents to excel in the workforce during their most productive years). I personally have come to view the lack of more in-law involvement in child rearing as a bit of a cultural weakness in America today (save certain immigrant communities, who get this right).<br /><br />Sooo, to summarize this verbose comment I guess I'm saying in my militaristic "just do what I say" way, I would tell you to a) Optimize as best you can for both of your careers to flourish (and do it NOW, not tomorrow, as now is the best time, given the great state of the job market for college graduates presently), b) Get trustworthy help if you can. I totally understand the lack of enthusiasm for infant daycare and c) Regardless of what help you’re able to acquire for yourselves, change the game for you own kid(s). Don't be so quick to adopt the "if it worked for us, it will work for them" attitude, which can be a mistake in this fast-changing world. When YOU are grandparents, make sure you plan to be there for them. I can think of no better way to help a young couple get a head start than helping them with infant care. That's our plan anyway.Tinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17710280020482764792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-496084964283823712018-03-16T11:35:20.480-07:002018-03-16T11:35:20.480-07:00From an outside perspective, having her keep worki...From an outside perspective, having her keep working and doing part-time daycare is the best. Especially if otherwise you have to pay for marketplace insurance for the baby (you said the baby can't be on your wife's insurance).<br /><br />But that's an impartial observer. Not someone who has to leave the baby I just had and want more time with. That said, some moms are happy to get back to work. It's not that they don't love the kids, but they need a bit of time away, being themselves, working on their identities apart from "Mom." So Hannah probably has the best advice of being ready to call an audible.<br /><br />I'm impressed how much privilege you were able to take note of. Even stuff I hadn't thought of. <br /><br />I'm glad you have the options that you do, but I'm sorry the choice is so hard. <br /><br />Hope to see you at the next Phoenix meetup!Abigail @ipickuppennieshttp://ipickuppennies.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-25221688364084177472018-03-15T10:49:03.177-07:002018-03-15T10:49:03.177-07:00Right on! That makes sense, FIREStarter. I'm w...Right on! That makes sense, FIREStarter. I'm walking on eggshells with this topic, due to my maleness, which is probably making my points more convoluted than they need to be.Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-76038268131643472172018-03-15T01:57:48.271-07:002018-03-15T01:57:48.271-07:00"There's a part of me that agrees with th..."There's a part of me that agrees with the idea that the lower earning spouse would stay home with the kids from a pragmatic perspective, if anyone was" - I guess my (rather laboured and unclear) point was that you guys don't have to be pragmatic about things as you've already earned most of the income you will ever need to sustain your spending.<br /><br />So you can just do whatever you want. If Mrs DBF wants to continue working then she can have at it, likewise you or if you decide you'd rather stay with the baby (or both of you!) then you can also do that. Then there is nothing stopping you both picking up some more work in a few years time when baby(s) are a bit older, and you don't have to worry about lower earnings due to being out of the workforce anyway because you will not be working for the $$$ anymore but because you found something you enjoy and want to do it anyway.<br /><br />Cheers :)theFIREstarter.co.ukhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11161550795321520113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-35138589315118631942018-03-14T21:40:41.532-07:002018-03-14T21:40:41.532-07:00Wait, we can't just drop the kids off at the f...Wait, we can't just drop the kids off at the fire station if we have a change of heart? Stupid t.v., lying to me again.<br /><br />There's a part of me that agrees with the idea that the lower earning spouse would stay home with the kids from a pragmatic perspective, if anyone was. But I also know that's kind of a not-great approach from a fairness perspective, and it would just exacerbate the wage gap in our own house.<br /><br />As you noted, we can (and probably will) shift gears a lot in the next few years. Lots of changes on the horizon...Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-26691286843452472182018-03-14T21:37:51.690-07:002018-03-14T21:37:51.690-07:00I can see that perspective, Frankie.
I hope I di...I can see that perspective, Frankie. <br /><br />I hope I didn't make it seem like we'd be chasing money, per se, by Mrs. Done by Forty potentially working. But rather, we both feel like work is probably part of a fulfilling life...for both of us. Of course, that feeling wanes from time to time, but I don't know if either one of us is really ready to fully retire just yet. Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-29413291734779670922018-03-14T13:19:53.472-07:002018-03-14T13:19:53.472-07:00Didn't get the memo about you guys expecting! ...Didn't get the memo about you guys expecting! So sorry to have missed that and a belated congratulations to the DBF household.<br /><br />My personal opinion is that you're in a great position with options, which have been down to years of earning and saving. So as others have said I would try to sweat it as little as possible and just see how you feel once junior comes along.<br /><br />We are no where near as far along our FIRE journey as you guys are when we had TFS Jr so we had to be pragmatic about things. Mrs T earned far less than I did so she gets to stay at home with the baby while I get to go back to work, and she is now working part time so we can get free childcare from family . Worked out nicely in the end but we're very lucky to have that support network close by to make it work.<br /><br />Anyway. It seems to me all you both really need to decide is what you actually want to do, and then do it. It doesn't matter about earnings or money at this stage as you're so close to FI. I would totally quit work and take as much time with the kid as possible personally, if the Mrs had any kind of inkling to have a career, and you can always get your intellectual stimulation from blogging and other ventures. But YMMV of course. And again as others have said there is no reason why you can't change path multiple times if what you originally thought you wanted turned out to be wrong.<br /><br />Apart from the kids of course! Can't send them back! :)<br /><br />Best of luck mate and very excited for you. theFIREstarter.co.ukhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11161550795321520113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-18174821972121015672018-03-14T11:34:48.868-07:002018-03-14T11:34:48.868-07:00All I can really add is, when we started focusing ...All I can really add is, when we started focusing on how both my wife and I want to live our day to day lives, rather than getting too fancy with the financial analysis, life has found a way of feeling so much better overall. <br /><br />My wife is looking after our kids - but she loves it, and isn't focused on a 'career', but rather just doing what's important to her. I treat my work pretty similar - not so much as a career, but more like 'what interesting and useful things can I do today'?.<br /><br />I see too many friends and colleagues in constant stress because they're just not focusing on what they actually want to do. Their kids become another 'thing' to be managed in the hectic rush to keep making money. So I guess all I'm saying is - your wife should do what she wants to do! But one thing's for sure - you'll never, never regret any time you spend with your child, no matter now many dollars you give up for it :)Frankie @ Fully Franked Financehttp://fullyfrankedfinance.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-52961009282529051442018-03-14T11:28:39.799-07:002018-03-14T11:28:39.799-07:00Truth! I was also hoping you'd write in, Joe. ...Truth! I was also hoping you'd write in, Joe. Love having some FIRE friends who have kids.<br /><br />I think you and the other commenters are right. We just have to wait and see how we feel about this stuff as we do it. The rub is that we have to make job acceptance/application decisions now, before we really know how the baby will change our point of view. But I guess we can just say no or quit later!<br /><br />Okay, off to take a nap. :)Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-43976911867333199962018-03-14T11:26:59.754-07:002018-03-14T11:26:59.754-07:00Yeah, that's a great way to look at it. One of...Yeah, that's a great way to look at it. One of the big benefits Mrs. Done by Forty has is the insurance and tuition being covered by her RAship, if she takes it. That's huge. Her deductible is like $250, and out of pocket max is $1500. It's nonsense how good it is -- having a baby while in the PhD program saves us many thousands. Plus, you know, no tuition!<br /><br />As you said, options that each job (or not having a job) is a great way to view the positives, instead of me focusing on the downsides/inequality alone.Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-76922730487965704262018-03-14T10:27:51.928-07:002018-03-14T10:27:51.928-07:00Trying again ...
Here's an alternate take th...Trying again ... <br /><br />Here's an alternate take that might help you reframe the incomes with relation to higher tax brackets: By itself, it's nonsense to give up the higher income job. BUT we never take or give up jobs in isolation.<br />We choose them for many reasons so the salary number alone doesn't qualify it as the best job of your two jobs. <br /><br />PiC's job pays about 15% more plus has amazing benefits while mine pays me reasonably well plus gives me incredible autonomy and independence and flexibility. His is flexible but not like mine so my stress levels are WAY lower. It comes out to about equal! <br /><br />The biggest takeaway I had from the first year was: options are good! ALL THE OPTIONS! Revanchehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07293868300535734672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-80159148599314504272018-03-14T09:58:05.193-07:002018-03-14T09:58:05.193-07:00I wouldn't overthink it too much at this point...I wouldn't overthink it too much at this point. The important thing is to talk to your wife and plan together. Life is going to change so much and you don't know how you'll react. Just plan the best you can and roll with it. I'm sure you'll do fine.<br /><br />For us, I quit my career when our kid was 18 months old. That was a couple of years earlier than I expected. We hated putting our kid in daycare from 7am until 6pm. It worked out very well for us. You'll have to figure it out as you go along. Get your sleep now....Joe @ Retire by 40http://retireby40.orgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-70258445789115093942018-03-13T21:58:53.882-07:002018-03-13T21:58:53.882-07:00I'm writing a quick 'draft' so I'l...I'm writing a quick 'draft' so I'll remember the idea!<br /><br />I should note that there's a downside risk to when we'd FIRE, too. If we hit a recession very soon, it could be something like 4 years away. <br /><br />I guess what I should have said is that when we hit it will have a whole lot more to do with the market's gyrations than whether we rock a 2nd income for a while. We've gotten to the point where our contributions are, like, almost inconsequential.Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-13305151078989082492018-03-13T18:02:34.950-07:002018-03-13T18:02:34.950-07:00I would love it if you would eventaully write abou...I would love it if you would eventaully write about that transition from DINKS to parents. I haven't seen much written about it and I bet it's a really tough (but rewarding) transition. <br /><br />Ah, you are soooo close to FIRE then. Best of luck hitting those numbers! BasicBitchhttp://basicbitchgettingrich.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-28736766426766559742018-03-13T15:56:21.714-07:002018-03-13T15:56:21.714-07:00Man, that sounds right up our alley. And they have...Man, that sounds right up our alley. And they have that book in the Tempe library! Woot!<br /><br />I'll probably check out the podcast, too, but Mrs. Done by Forty is oddly anti-podcast and is one of those annoying folks who "reads books".Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2980246226076317453.post-57171179300912060752018-03-13T15:52:18.477-07:002018-03-13T15:52:18.477-07:00I'm so glad you read and commented, Revanche. ...I'm so glad you read and commented, Revanche. I was hoping to get your perspective.<br /><br />I wanted to write out an entire separate post about how unfairly I apply the rationale of "whose income is all going into the higher marginal tax brackets". It's my own weird sexist nonsense and it's, um, not good. But I guess it's at least good to be honest with myself: I do tend to view my income as the 'default'...because who would give up the higher income job, right? <br /><br />The advice about 12 weeks possibly not being enough is good. We worry that might be the case as well...but are hoping the RA-ship could be WAH for that semester, possibly? Too hard to tell yet. She's considering everything right now: full time work starting in the fall, part time in office, part time at home, full time at home, not working at all for like 1.5 or 3 whole years...<br /><br />As you said, we probably just need her options to be just as open as mine. I love that framing.Done By Fortyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06246597867355460723noreply@blogger.com